Shut the bedroom door, light some candles, get in your comfy, sexy clothes- nobody feels sexy with elastic digging into their armpit, after all. Now, how do you leave the day behind you again? You want to connect with your partner, have an earth-shattering experience, and get in touch with yourself. Easier said than done. Take a deep breath in, a deep breath out, and keep reading to find out what breathwork can add to your sex life.
Stress and Sex
Mental health is our constant companion. While heightened cortisol levels affect your health, it also affects your favorite bedroom activities*— sex and sleep.
Some ways stress affects our sex lives:
• lower libido aka sex drive
• lowered ability to climax
• more in your head, less in your body
Self-Practice is Self-Love
Don't be shy now. Similarly, to how starting a meditation practice when you're in the midst of life's distractions will set you up for disaster, starting to use breathwork for the first time when you and your partner are finally catching some intimate time together likely won't get the desired outcome.
Next time you're touching yourself:
1. Take a moment to move your hands onto your belly.
2. Take a deep breath and push your belly out as you breathe in and in as you breathe out. If you're a yogi in training, this will come easily. If you're not, it may feel super strange. Stick with it, my friend!
3. As you're breathing, turn on what I like to call "brain theatre." Think about an erotic interaction, the feel of your sexual partner's hands on your skin or fantasize a bit. You don't have to tell anyone if your fantasy includes the duke from Bridgerton.
4. When breathing starts to feel more natural, continue to explore your own body. As the pleasure builds, contract and relax your pelvic floor muscles. Try to relax the rest of your body.
5. If you feel climax building (and you're not failing if there's no orgasm at the end, just spending some time being kind with self-touch is valuable), open your mouth and sigh out your belly breaths.
6. Keep relaxing. Try to avoid tensing, even if the urge is powerful!
Add Your Partner into the Mix
If the above was a success, why not text your sexual partner about your amazing new discovery and ask them if they'd like to join you in some sexual breathwork sometime. Sometimes text or sticky notes can feel easier to be open with than going straight in with the talking.
Suggestion
Try the above breathing practice while you're lying next to each other, lights off, one hand on the other person's stomach. Now, tell me that doesn't sound like a fantastic Valentine's Day plan! Have fun, keep exploring, and remember to keep the pressure to perform a certain way off both yourself and your partner. Enjoy the sexual energy and keep goals where you keep the day's stress: at the door!
*You are very welcome to enjoy both sex and sleep outside the bedroom. Enjoy!
